Written by Lucy Coulson

Photos by Elke Numeyer-Windshuttle

My first ever impression of the Danish language was in Greece in 2015, where I met a Dane who told me that Danish sounds like someone giving a blowjob.

During my first Roskilde that same year, I (still) couldn’t speak a word of the language. So naturally, a few boys in my campsite taught me that ‘god fisse’ meant ‘have a lovely festival’. It did not (I’ll let you do the googling on that one). But due to mixture of blissful ignorance and no cellular reception, I walked around the festival yelling ‘god fisse’ to unsuspecting Danes, thinking I was just spreading the good Roskilde vibes — in hindsight, I probably still was. It wasn’t until one was kind enough to explain what I was saying that I realised exactly how many beers my friends owed me.

BUT, now, a few years later, I have somewhat mastered the blowjob language and herby bring to you a foreigner’s guide to the Danish language, exclusively created for Roskilde Festival.

 

The Go’s

The Danish language has some pretty straightforward, no-frills ways of expressing things. For example, the word ‘god’ (translating to ‘good’) can be placed before most activities to express ‘have a good…’ in a quick and polite way. Like ‘god tur’ (have a good trip), ‘god træning’ (have a nice workout) or ‘god fornøjelse’ (have a nice time).

 

Say it with me:

Go’ festival – have a nice festival (read: NOT fisse)

Go’ arbejdslyst – have a nice shift – said to someone who’s working

Go’ koncert – enjoy the concert

Go’ [insert almost any activity here]

 

 

The Food

There are a few Danish staples at Roskilde Festival you should be aware of and try. In the morning, do as the rest of the Danes do and order a coffee with a bun with cheese. When that wears off, find yourself a roast pork sandwich, and wash it down with big, cold Tuborg. In the evening, you’ll want a shawarma followed by a Danish classic, Små Sure. Here’s how you’re going to order all of that:

 

Breakfast:

Jeg skal bede om en stor kaffe og en bolle med ost – I’d like to order a large coffee and a bun with cheese

 

Lunch:

Jeg kunne godt tænke mig en flæskestegssandwich og en stor Tuborg – I would like a roast pork sandwich and a large beer.

 

Dinner:

Jeg vil have en shawarma durum og 10 Små Sure, tak. – I’ll take a durum shawarma and 10 shots, please.

 

You’re set for the day!

 

The Taks

Another easy-to-learn construction of the Danish language: tak for ___. You will quickly learn that Danes have a specific thank you for every situation. E.g. Tak for hjælpen (thanks for the help), tak for i dag (thanks for today), tak for sidst (thanks for last time we saw each other).

 

You can use:

Tak for mad – Thanks for the food

Tak for låne – Thanks for lending me that thing

Tak for snak – Thanks for calming me down when I was drunk and emotional

Tak for en vild fest – Thanks for a wild party

Tak for i går – Thanks for last night (no sexual connotations)

Tak for i nat – Thanks for last night (sexual connotations)  

Tak for i år – Thanks for this year

 

 

Festival classics

Here are a bunch of the classics, necessary for any Danish festival experience (and yeah okay, most likely any festival experience ever).

 

Jeg har MANGE tømmermænd – I’m hungover AF

Jeg har sovet i to timer – I’ve slept two hours

Jeg er sulten – I’m hungry

Jeg skal tisse – I need to piss

Jeg skal have kaffe – I need coffee

Jeg mødte ham/hende på Tinder – I met him/her on Tinder

Så… Skal vi tage hjem til dit telt? – So… should we go back to your tent?

Har du kondomer? – Got a condom?

Det gør fandme ondt! – It hurts really fucking bad!

Ej hvor er du klam – Ew you are so gross

FY FOR SATAN – Fuck that is DISGUSTING

Du skal i bad – You need a shower

Er det bræk eller pis? – Is that vomit or piss?

Jeg er fucking stiv – I’m fucking drunk

Er Uber Chopper stadig en ting? – Is Uber Chopper still a thing?

 

So there you go! Now you can go and find some Danes to practice your new-found skills with and be the most dygtig foreigner they ever did meet.

 

Go’ fest!