It’s the merch. Everything else is awful.

By now we’ve all heard of the Melania Trump plagiarism controversy; other than Pokémon it’s the only thing that’s been in the news lately. The currently-trending #MelaniaTrumpQuotes meme arose out of her speech at the Republican National Convention earlier this week in Cleveland, Ohio, where the GOP and thousands more gathered in an attempt to quicken the upcoming apocalypse via the presidential election of Donald Trump. The RNC–everyone’s favorite reality show to guiltily hate-watch–was predictably gratifyingly horrific/amazing, particularly in regards to the merchandise available for purchase.





via Paper Mag

“Tens of thousands of people are visiting Cleveland for the GOP convention and dozens of vendors are trying to take advantage–hawking everything from T-shirts to joke-telling toy elephants”, NPR noted. “It’s created a bustling market of Trump-related goods outside Quicken Loans Arena, where there are three broad, unofficial types of vendors, politically speaking: true-believers, pretenders and anti-Trumpers.” While true-believers are a given, pretenders were simply shilling their wares in an attempt to make some extra cashmo, and anti-Trumpers were simply slaves to supplying the merch RNC-attendees demanded in spite of their own opposing beliefs.

Yeah yeah, it’s horrifying, yes… However!! Musicians and bands take note: if nothing else, this is clearly demonstrating that the time has come for you to step up the merch game. If even the provincial, outdated and clueless GOP has the ingenuity to have bobbleheads, foam-fingers, and other meme-worthy merch manufactured, what’s stopping you? You–yes, you!–could have your faces on some bobbleheads or bratz dolls; you could easily (and inexpensively) star as Miss September in a vaseline-on-the-lens 2017 calendar; you could even put your most pouty-faced band member on a wall clock so that anyone who sneaks a glimpse at the time gets a load of some come-hither baby-blues luring them into your music.

Let’s make the best of a bad situation, because it’s true: it’s time to Make Merch Great Again.

0 YO!