Rihanna recently released her collection of fur slides for Puma. They are available in three different colors and are fuzzy and 90’s inspired, because even though this trend has been beaten to death it apparently needs a couple more unnecessary rounds through the ringer before it can finally be left to rest and rot in peace. In the interest of staying on-trend, here are some other unfortunate sandals you can wear this summer to achieve that ever-popular ’embarrassing suburban parent’ look.


These are Rihanna’s Puma slides. They would pair perfectly with your pink velour Juicy tracksuit, which coincidentally has also risen from its shallow grave to become fashionable again (as we previously forecasted – just sayin’.)

Back in 2004 this was such a ‘good look’ that it was a legitimate choice in which Britneyamong others–could get married. Lest we forget though, K-Fed was also a legitimate choice for whom Britney could marry, which should be indicative of where this trend is headed. But by all means, leave your apartment and go out in public looking like this. We could all use some new entertainment in our lives now that Game of Thrones is over.


A close relative of RiRi’s Puma slides, the classic Adidas slides have also experienced a renewed interested as of late. With more utilitarian and unisex usefulness than their fuzzy cousins, they’re on-trend for the young and old alike; disaffected youths can wear them while they slav-squat, and elderly folks can wear them when they get bunions and need to feel more unencumbered than typically allowed by orthotics.


Another utilitarian favorite, Birkenstocks are a fugly footwear trend which has also come back with a vengeance. Perhaps an unfortunate side-effect of the million-strong collective *shrug* that is normcore, Birkenstocks definitely prioritize comfort over all else. This would make at least some sense – if they were comfortable. They’re surprisingly expensive as well – just think of all the hemp clothing and nag champa you could afford with the money saved by not buying Birkenstocks.


Wear these while you brew your own homemade artisanal kombucha. You may scoff at Tevas, but they are the next logical progression following the unfortunate footwear trend that has dominated this summer. Or, if not Tevas, then….


….Crocs! Soon to be gracing the feet of the Copenhipster elite. Just wait.

0 YO!