We’ve all met one. Some of us have to work with them. You might have even slept with one. Fucking creatives. Blasé, under or over-confident. Intro-outroverts. Self absorbed. Artistic. Dramatic. Fucking Creatives.

Alcohol – Downing 125kr gin & tonics won’t make you less of a downer, mate.

Basic – Don’t you ever wish you could’ve fallen for someone who works in banking, has a sensible haircut and always remembers to call his mom? 

Conceptual – They love the idea of you, but that’s kind of it. Throw in some self doubt, low confidence and repeated irrational behaviour and you’re officially dating a creative. 

Disturbed – “Call me when I’m done thinking, writing, drawing, painting, eating, breathing, sleeping, ageing and dying, k?”

Ethics – “Sorry, they didn’t teach that at graphic design school.” 

Fucking Dick – I HATE THEM, THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW, NEVER AGAI… oh, he liked my selfie!

Gigs – If you’ve spent your past 57 weekends at their shows, time to fake that stomach ulcer, babe. 

Hot mess – Remember: fabulous bed hair and dark brooding eyes probs won’t make you chicken soup when you’re sick. 

Introvert – Duh, but maybe you are, too, so you know the drill, keep it chill.

Japan – “I feel like I really found myself in Asia, you know?” 

OK – Is ‘yes’ not in your vocabulary, or…? 

Let’s just be friends – Aaaaand there’s your cue to build a time machine, keep the fucking beautiful scented candle you bought them for yourself and avoid this whole mess like the plague.

Musicians – The late-night kebabs of romantic partners: reliably greasy, momentarily blissful, infinitely regrettable and totally irresistible.  

Nice Linens – Enjoy the luxurious softness of that thread count while you can, bro. 

Obscure – If you don’t Instagram that first press, limited edition South African disco vinyl you just dropped €250 on, did it really happen?

Party – “Oh, was your housewarming last night?”

#quoteoftheday – Or, how to tell if your crush is a human or a walking Pinterest board.

Rompers – This is actually a pretty good one. Fucking comfy, those things. 

SEX SEX SEX – Like something out of a goddamn Cannes Festival movie, the lighting was fucking perfect. Didn’t realise it was a short film, though.

Techno – No, really, tell me about that one time you went to Barghain for the 12th time this week.

Unrequited Love – Maybe they’re just shy? Maybe they’re just too busy right now? Maybe they recently replaced their heart with a 120kr piece of avocado toast? All plausible explanations.

Valentine’s Day – Don’t even try. 

What the actual fuck? Can’t believe you forgot my fucking birthday, you fuck. 

Xero – the amount of effort they put in to apologise for that one.

Y don’t you love me?  Maybe you should dye your hair again.

Zooooooooooom – It was fun while it lasted, I guess. 

by Littledick and Polina Bachlakova. Illustrations by Adrian Morris.